Kerry Campbell and her happy daughter, Britney
“All I want is for Britney to have the best start in life, so it is easier for her to become a superstar.”
Of course! We all understand that. Being a superstar is the American standard. And now that we’ve got YouTube, the road to superstardom is a superhighway. These words of wisdom were brought to us by Kerry Campbell, the now-superstar-famous pageant mom who has been giving her eight year-old daughter regular Botox injections to retain her youthful looks. I totally get it. I’m a mother of four, and I’ve seen it happen. Eight year-olds start losing their cute super fast. Best get a jump on it.
“Like I said, I do the Botox myself. It’s safe . . . She had watched me do it before. So when we first did it, she was fine with it.”
I understand you were being an example to her, Kerry. We moms have heard that our daughters develop their sense of self-esteem from us, but why don’t more of us take it to heart? It’s good to know someone is paying attention. How else will Britney know where that fine line is between gorgeous and hideous if you don’t define it for her very early? That’s one less girl walking around abusing the rest of us with her physical imperfections. Kerry, you’re already looking out for that lucky man Britney will grow old with. All he needs to be doing now is saving up and making room for all the paraphernalia that will be needed for a lifetime of real happiness. And he might want to think about investing in cryogenics after the wedding. But maybe I’m being too conventional. Surely Britney will insist on doing all this for herself and won’t be expecting someone else to make her dreams come true.
“I know one day she will be a model, actress or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer.”
No doubt. When our founding fathers and mothers were brainstorming by candlelight, felling trees and sacrificing life and limb, I know in my heart they were envisioning a world where anyone could pursue happiness through modeling, acting or singing. Parents need to get a plan for their kids’ lives set in stone very early. Otherwise, how can they expect the child to accomplish any of the milestones along the way? Because of her mom’s vision, Britney can get excited about the specific things that are surely coming her way, and she already knows all the contests and auditions she will be winning in the meantime.
“I’m sure people reading this will think I am being irresponsible, but I ensure that I test the Botox and fillers I buy online on myself first.”
Not at all, Kerry, this is the kind of parental sacrifice that has made America the superpower that it is. I wish all mothers who shopped online for chemicals to inject into their children’s faces were this responsible. Just as in days of yore, the King had a Taster, Britney has you to stand in harm’s way for her first to make sure it’s okay to subject her to that same harm.
“More mothers should do it for their daughters.”
You’ve just about got me convinced, Kerry. But I’m not sure it isn’t too late. My poor girls — their perfectly round, baby cheeks are history. Think what they would look like now, at 12 and 16, if I’d started the Botox when they were 8! I really fear the more womanly they become, the less desirable they will be to society. Baby faces have always ruled. We moms might as well begin facing the hard facts and start taking action.
“As a doctor . . . I would be required to report her to protective services because it’s maltreatment. . . .”
Oops, that wasn’t Kerry, that was ABC News chief health and medical editor, Dr. Richard Besser on GMA this morning. Oh, come on, Besser. Clearly this mother loves her child with all her heart, just as she is, and is willing to make great personal sacrifices to build a future for her. Kerry’s inner beauty and wisdom are evident in her deftness at finding the best online company from which to order her serum.
But I missed that part. Did anyone hear her say which company?
Comments on: "Superstar" (7)
You are TOO funny! Unfortunately, this situation is NOT. How sad for both of them. The age of mass entertainment and electronics has completely distorted her sense of reality.
Oh, yeah… one more comment… Steph, don’t you wish our Mom’s had been this conscientious in teaching us about beauty? Don’t you wish we had gotten botox injections, too? How much more beautiful we would be today, if only… I feel so abused and deprived and… words just aren’t enough to express my horror at the realization of the… oh, I’m just, beyond…
(insert fake sob here)
Thanks to our Mom’s Betsy and Carol!
Unbelievably misguided woman. She is setting u her little girl for a world of hurt. Better to teach our daughters how capable they are, how much we love them even though they’re imperfect, how kindness will make the world a better place and that the growing older is an opportunity to understand who we are at the core of our beings. Interesting article (though sad to see), thanks!
This story was just sad, sad, sad. Your take on it? Satire at its finest! What a good writer you are, Steph. A GOOD writer. Keep up the thought-provoking entertaining work . . . thank YOU!
Love, Cindy
OH! And I just remembered the HILARIOUS parody Tom Hanks did of “Toddlers and Tiaras” – hits the same nerve!!
Cindy
Thank you, Cindy-girl. And I loved that Tom Hanks parody! I love HIM. You are getting an impressive start to your blog. Kudos to You-dos! Keep it coming.
Thanks, Steph. Just NOW read your comment – oh my misspent youth as a blogger (three weeks in, and I can’t believe how much I’ve learned! and forgotten! and completely misunderstood!)
PS You are on my blogroll, sister . . . (like I knew what THAT was three weeks ago:-0) So you better get busy with your next hilarious, insightful, whodathunkit? post. I’m afraid my subscribers – all 18 of ‘em – will write you off, snap, just like that! And THEN where would you be?
You missed the botox years. Don’t make another big, big mistake.